How to Talk to Your Partner About Trying Toys Together

Wanting to bring toys into your relationship is common, and it’s rarely about something missing. Toys are simply another way to explore, play and learn what you both enjoy. Still, starting the conversation can feel awkward. These tips will help you raise the subject in a way that feels relaxed and respectful.

Pick the right moment

Timing makes a big difference. Choose a time when you’re both relaxed, have privacy and aren’t in a rush.

• Do bring it up outside the bedroom, such as on a walk or over a quiet evening at home.
• Don’t raise it in the middle of sex, during an argument, or straight after a sexual experience that didn’t go well.

Lead with curiosity, not criticism

Frame toys as something new to enjoy together, not a fix for a problem. Speak about your own feelings and wishes rather than what your partner is or isn’t doing.

Things you might say:

• “I’ve been reading about toys couples use together, and I’m curious what you think.”
• “I love what we have, and I’d like to try something new with you.”
• “Is there anything you’ve ever been curious about trying?”

Avoid phrases like “we need to spice things up”, which can sound like criticism even if you don’t mean it that way.

Listen as much as you talk

Ask open questions and give your partner space to think. They may need time before they know how they feel. Whatever they say, thank them for being honest.

If your partner feels unsure

Hesitation is normal. Common worries include:

• feeling replaced or not “enough”
• embarrassment or unfamiliarity
• uncertainty about what toys are actually like

You can help by explaining that a toy is a tool you use together, not a competitor. Offer your partner control: let them choose, hold the remote or set the pace. And make it clear that “no” or “not yet” is a perfectly good answer. You can always come back to the conversation later.

Shop together

Browsing together turns the decision into something shared, and it’s often fun in itself.

• Set a budget you’re both comfortable with.
• Start with something small, simple and versatile.
• Choose products made from body-safe materials.
• Pick up a lube that’s compatible with the toy. Our Lube Compatibility Checker can help.

Looking for ideas? See our tested picks for couples.

Agree on boundaries

Before you try anything, talk about what’s on and off the table. Agree on a simple word or signal that means “stop”, and use it without needing to explain.

Start small and check in afterwards

Keep the first time low-pressure. It might feel a bit clumsy or funny, and that’s fine: laughing together is part of it. Afterwards, talk about what you liked, what you didn’t and whether you’d want to try it again.

Take care of the practical side

• Clean new toys before the first use. Our cleaning and storage guide explains how.
• Decide where you’ll keep your toys so they stay clean and private.
• If you plan to share a toy, think about using condoms on it, especially with porous materials.